Chapter 29

Thief (3)

The sloth—or rather, I should start calling it the Speed Sloth now.

The Speed Sloth looked at me with an expression that radiated leisure and quiet disdain.

Oddly enough, I didn't feel angry.

Instead, my sense of danger shot through the roof.

Snap!

The arrow it had caught in one hand broke cleanly in half.

What worried me far more than that were its claws.

Those vicious, overgrown claws.

The moment those hit me, my life is over.

There was no way I couldn't be tense.

I don't know when it'll attack.

If it possessed that kind of agility, why did it usually move so slowly?

Maybe it was something like this.

"I knelt only to build up momentum!"

Ordinary sloths move slowly to conserve energy.

That's what Allfather had explained.

But surviving in the Forest of Four Seasons probably made that impossible, so perhaps they'd evolved in another direction—

Displaying overwhelming speed only when faced with danger.

It was a surprisingly plausible theory.

This world was seriously insane.

Shuffle... Shuffle...

The Speed Sloth began moving again.

After witnessing that explosive burst of speed earlier, even its sluggish movements looked different now.

It wasn't slow.

It was composed.

There had been a reason both the Heavenly Demon and Allfather warned me to be careful.

Can people really tell something's this dangerous just by watching a video?

I wasn't sure.

But one thing was certain.

Their instincts had been right.

So... how am I supposed to deal with this thing?

I lowered my crossbow.

Even if I fired, it'd either dodge the bolt or catch it with its hand.

There was no point.

Hand-to-hand... honestly, I think I'd lose.

It completely outclassed me in speed.

It had caught an arrow with its bare hand.

Me?

I could barely even follow an arrow's trajectory with my eyes.

There was no choice but to stay on edge.

The moment I let my guard down, those claws might punch straight through my throat.

...No.

If it wanted to pierce my throat, it would've done it already.

That left only two possibilities.

Either this Speed Sloth was a pacifist...

Or it simply had no intention of killing me.

The first option would be great.

The second was potentially even more dangerous.

Something that fast and agile would always be a threat.

...Or maybe it's just playing with me.

Maybe it was acting so relaxed because it didn't see me as any threat at all.

As I watched the Speed Sloth slowly approaching, I glanced behind me.

Inside the iron barrel were the fish I'd caught this morning.

Maybe I should just give them to it and let it leave peacefully.

It wasn't a bad option.

The odds of winning a fight were practically nonexistent.

I'd received an elixir from Starlight Princess, but that only mattered if I wasn't instantly killed.

If those claws struck a vital spot, the elixir probably wouldn't save me.

After agonizing over it, I slowly picked up my shield.

Not my sword.

I had a different plan in mind.

Keeping the shield pointed at the creature, I carefully walked toward the iron barrel.

Even then, the Speed Sloth continued approaching at its usual slow pace.

Scrraape... Scrraape...

Before long, I was dragging the heavy barrel full of fish with one hand.

It really seemed like the creature wanted the fish.

The Speed Sloth continued its signature slow approach toward me.

Yeah.

It definitely wanted the fish.

But that only raised another question.

Why?

I'd heard sloths mainly lived on leaves.

So why was it after fish?

Had the animals of the Forest of Four Seasons evolved different diets as well?

Or... is there something special about the fish?

Something the Heavenly Demon had once said suddenly came back to me.

The fish I'd caught resembled spirit beasts—

The kind that possessed internal cores.

I still didn't know if that was actually true.

After thinking it over, I dragged the barrel all the way inside the cave.

It made quite a racket.

Even so, Wonmo slept through it like nothing had happened.

One of us was facing a life-or-death crisis...

The other was sprawled out sleeping peacefully.

Life really wasn't fair.

Well... he's still just a baby.

Meanwhile, the Speed Sloth entered the cave.

There was nowhere left to run.

I gripped my sword and shield, remaining on full alert.

There was only one chance.

Attack the moment it reached for the fish.

I had no idea when those murderous claws might come for my throat.

I intended to finish it before that happened.

"..."

Then—

The Speed Sloth suddenly stopped.

It had never stopped before.

Slow, yes.

But never completely still.

Naturally, I found it strange.

The creature stared intently at something.

I followed its gaze.

It was looking...

At the sack containing my fasting pills.

Shuffle... Shuffle...

"H-Huh?"

Not the fasting pills.

Anything but those.

Panicking, I rushed toward the sack.

The moment I grabbed it, the Speed Sloth quietly looked up at me.

Tap... Tap...

Without changing its expression, it casually flexed those terrifying claws.

Anyone could tell what it meant.

It wanted one.

And if I didn't hand one over...

It looked suspiciously like a death threat.

"...Should I give you one?"

"..."

It simply stared at me.

Honestly, I preferred this.

If its attention had shifted from the fish to the fasting pills...

And I still had plenty of pills left...

Then maybe this wasn't so bad.

Carefully, I took out a single fasting pill.

"T-This?"

"..."

Tap... Tap...

"...You want another one?"

"That might be a little diff—"

Whoosh!

Without a sound—

(Not that it could talk in the first place.)

Its claw stabbed straight into the fasting pill.

Then it slowly carried it to its mouth.

Even that action was agonizingly slow.

Watching it somehow made me nervous.

"...Hmm."

The Speed Sloth slowly moved its jaw as though savoring the flavor.

Even the owlbear—and Wonmo—had spat the fasting pills out immediately because they were so bitter.

Heck, even I only forced myself to eat them to survive.

Never because they tasted good.

Yet this thing carefully chewed every bite.

Its relaxed expression never changed.

Just as I was about to complain that I barely had enough food for myself—

The Speed Sloth's claw was suddenly inches from my throat.

Had it moved even a little farther...

There would've been a gaping hole in my neck.

Every drop of blood in my body turned ice cold.

I hadn't even seen it move.

Tap... Tap...

As I swallowed hard, the Speed Sloth gestured with its other hand.

The meaning was obvious.

Hand it over... or die.

"...Ha. Fuck."

What a miserable world.

Cursing under my breath, I reluctantly handed over another fasting pill.

Only then did it retract its claws.

After eating the second pill, it looked completely satisfied.

Thankfully, two seemed to be enough.

It didn't ask for a third.

It also seemed to have completely lost interest in the fish.

I quietly let out a sigh of relief.

Shuffle... Shuffle...

"Huh? Wait... what are you doing?"

But the Speed Sloth wasn't done surprising me.

Without warning...

It started climbing onto me.

It was careful not to stab me with its sharp claws, so it didn't hurt at all.

"..."

"..."

Finally—

The Speed Sloth rested its chin on top of my head.

Did it think I was some kind of tree that grew leaves?

I was so dumbfounded that I couldn't even speak.

I wanted to shake it off, but I couldn't.

I'd only hurt myself if I tried to force it off.

Those vicious claws alone made it impossible to remove the creature by force.

At least it barely weighed anything.

Strangely enough, it didn't smell bad either.

If anything, it smelled pleasant.

This thing probably has ticks too...

Still, I should wash it just in case.

I let out a deep sigh.

It hadn't even been a week, yet I'd already gone through all kinds of bizarre incidents.

There was only one place where I could vent about this.

Title: Getting Mugged by a Sloth in Real Time
Wild Grylls

I'm the registered user who posted the sloth earlier. This bastard ate a fasting pill, then threatened me with its claws and demanded more. TTTT

What a miserable world. Never thought I'd live to see the day I got mugged by a sloth.

└ Heavenly Demon: You yielded merely because it pointed its claws at you?
　└ Wild Grylls: This bastard can see and catch arrows... It nearly stabbed me in the throat at that speed too.
└ Heavenly Demon: Hmm. In that case, I can understand to some extent. It may even make an excellent sparring partner.
　└ Wild Grylls: You want me to spar with a sloth?;;
└ Heavenly Demon: You said you were slower than the sloth, so it would not be a poor choice.
　└ Wild Grylls: Ha...

└ SwordMaster: What's the sloth doing right now?
　└ Wild Grylls: It's hanging from my back.
└ SwordMaster: What kind of bullshit is that?
　└ Wild Grylls: Sounds like bullshit, right? It's true. I'll upload a picture later.

└ Never thought I'd hear about a sloth mugging someone and then clinging to them. Hahahaha
└ This is legendary. Hahaha
└ Is that thing even really a sloth?

　└ Wild Grylls: I decided to call it a Speed Sloth. ㅇㅇ
└ Speed Sloth. Kekeke
　└ Better than Fluffy. Hahaha

　└ Wild Grylls: What's wrong with Fluffy?
└ Don'tAbandonTheHero: It's lame!
└ The Moderator is here?
　└ Appears out of nowhere and drops facts. Hahaha
　└ Wild Grylls: Where have you been all this time?
└ Don'tAbandonTheHero: I was being chased, so I had to run away for a while! I'm safe now! Though I still have to sleep outdoors!
└ Ah...
└ Aah...
　└ Aaaaah...
└ Wild Grylls: Why not come here instead? It's surprisingly abundant here.
　└ Don'tAbandonTheHero: I'm sorry! The Goddess would never forgive suicide!
└ Wild Grylls: That's too harsh.

└ Allfather: A Speed Sloth... Perhaps you have discovered an entirely new species. Scholars may take an interest in it.
└ Wild Grylls: Normal sloths have lots of ticks too, right?
└ Allfather: They don't have ticks. Instead, moths and beetles live in their fur and eat the ticks.

Ah.

Fuck.

└ Allfather: Furthermore, the fungi growing on it are probably protecting it from infection.
└ Wild Grylls: So none of that benefits me in the slightest?
└ Allfather: Correct. It's filthy. Extremely so.

So I had to wash it somehow.

But I wasn't sure whether the creature would willingly climb down.

At least it didn't feel particularly unpleasant.

As I said earlier, it didn't smell bad either, so it was tolerable.

For now, I guess I'll have to catch the Golden Frog like this.

I'd catch the Golden Frog, trade with Allfather, and eat fish for lunch.

The sudden appearance of the Speed Sloth had thrown my plans off a little, but things were fine now.

With the Speed Sloth still on my back, I gathered my equipment.

Normally, I would sling the crossbow over my back, but the Speed Sloth was in the way—

Slide.

"Hm?"

When I tried to put the crossbow on, the creature quietly shifted aside.

Once the crossbow was secured, it climbed back on top of it.

It really was an intelligent animal.

I'd sensed it when it threatened me earlier, but it seemed to possess fairly high intelligence.

Does it understand what I'm saying, like Wonmo does?

Probably not.

It was likely just smart.

I carefully adjusted the crossbow so that the Speed Sloth couldn't accidentally pull the trigger.

Perhaps it understood my intention, because it moved toward the front and hung there in a way that wouldn't interfere with me.

Thanks to that, I ended up face-to-face with it.

Its expression looked undeniably stupid.

And yet this was the same creature that could catch a flying arrow.

The Forest of Four Seasons was truly bizarre.

Hissss...

I was making my way toward the river where the Golden Frog lived when an ominous sound reached my ears.

It sounded like a snake flicking its tongue.

I'd already suffered badly at the fangs of a Steel-Scaled Snake, so I immediately scanned my surroundings.

But I couldn't see anything.

For a moment, I wondered whether I'd imagined it.

"Shaaa!"

Something brown that had clearly looked like a tree branch suddenly opened its jaws wide.

At the same time, its brown body turned green.

Two razor-sharp fangs protruded menacingly from its mouth.

It wasn't a branch.

It was a venomous snake.

A-A chameleon?!

A snake imitating a chameleon's camouflage?

What kind of grotesque combination was that?

I was so startled that I failed to react properly.

I'd genuinely mistaken it for a branch, so I hadn't noticed it at all.

Slash!

However, there was an animal that moved before I did.

It happened so quickly that I couldn't follow the process.

But I saw the result clearly with my own two eyes.

"Shaaa! Shaaa!"

"..."

Claws even more vicious than the snake's fangs had pierced straight through its head.

The venomous snake trembled violently, its skull impaled on the claw.

It wrapped its body around the claw in a desperate attempt to escape, but the effort was pointless.

It was considerably smaller than the Steel-Scaled Snake I'd encountered before.

And the moment its head was pierced, its fate had already been sealed.

Riiip!

The Speed Sloth grabbed the snake with its free hand and pulled hard.

The venomous snake's head split vertically.

Thud.

The snake was thrown to the ground, still twitching.

Its vertically torn head was utterly revolting.

Just in case, I stabbed it with my sword so it couldn't bite me.

Before long, the snake's body went limp.

Its torso occasionally twitched, but there was no doubt that it was dead.

I looked at the Speed Sloth hanging behind me.

As always, it wore its calm, leisurely expression.

It looked so peaceful, as though nothing had just happened.

"...Want another fasting pill?"

Node.

The Speed Sloth nodded.

As expected, even that movement was painfully slow.